👋 Hey Reader!

Here’s what I’ve got for you in today’s issue of WFH Dads:

→ What I changed to help out more at home

→ Recommendation of the week : Father-Daughter Conversations

Let's get into it.

What I changed to help out more at home

In a previous newsletter, I shared how I’m trying to take on more of the responsibilities in our house and family that have quietly defaulted to my wife.

Since then, I’ve been noticing just how many things she’s been carrying in her head.

Things like:

noticing when we’re running low on baby wipes
remembering which school forms need to be signed
washing and putting up the kid's clothes

It's easy from my perspective to feel these things "just happen."

So instead of just talking about this with her and saying I'm going to help out more (which I’ve done before and haven’t always followed through on, usually because I forgot), I tried something different this time.

I made a list of all the household and family-related things that we both do (surprise surprise, hers was a lot longer). I then shared that list with ChatGPT and asked if there were other household things I might be missing, just to help me think through things I hadn’t considered yet.

Once I had a fuller list, I started looking for small ways I could take a few of those things off her plate.

For example:

She’s usually the one who notices when we’re running low on baby wipes and orders more.

So I checked how often we order them and set up an automatic Amazon delivery every six weeks.

She's the one who does the kid's laundry each week.

So I've set a recurring reminder on my Apple Watch (that'll also appear on all my other devices so I don't miss it) to do their laundry on Saturday mornings before she gets up.

She’s the one who monitors school communications to make sure kids show up with the right signed papers, money for events, etc.

So I’ve started adding those things to my task list or setting reminders on my Apple Watch so I can take more of that on.

The framework that really helped me think about this more clearly comes from a newsletter called PowerPair, written by Dylan Grimm.

When I shared a link to one of Dylan’s newsletters in a previous email about this 'invisible load', it was one of the most clicked links in that email. So with Dylan’s permission, I’m sharing that newsletter in full below.

The Invisible Load Map

Because “I’ll just do it myself” is how people become resentful roommates with rings.

The Problem

Your house looks fine but your brain looks like 87 open Chrome tabs.

One of you is quietly running Mission Control with all the kid snacks, school emails, tire pressure, Mother’s Day gifts, “Did we RSVP?”, printer ink, the dog’s shots while also pretending not to be irritated that no one else noticed the printer ink.

That’s the invisible load.

Why It Matters

Invisible labor is relationship rust it spreads quietly and ruins the vibe.

It’s not the chores; it’s the mental tracking that turns one partner into the family’s unpaid COO and the other into an accidental intern.

Make it visible and you upgrade the script from “You don’t do anything” to “Oh I didn’t realize you were carrying all that.”

Order of operations: empathy → clarity → fairness. Get those in the right order and the resentment melts.

Try This: The Two-Step Relief System

Step 1: The “Everything I Touch” List

Purpose: Reveal the invisible work that keeps the home running.

Each partner lists every task they mentally carry even ones that never hit a checklist (e.g., remembering birthdays, monitoring school emails, refilling detergent).
Group them under categories: Home, Kids, Finances, Health, Social.
Highlight anything that “lives in your head.” Those are your hidden loads.

Outcome: Instant empathy. You can’t fix what’s invisible.

Here is a list you can start from.

Step 2: The “Relief Row” Filter

Purpose: Create small, repeatable wins that lighten the load without triggering guilt or perfectionism.

Look at your “Everything I Touch” list.
For each item, ask:
1. Can this be automated? (auto-bills, reminders, recurring grocery order)
2. Can this be batched? (one big “admin hour” Sunday night)
3. Can this be shared? (alternate mornings or pickups)
Move three items a week into your Relief Row your personal scoreboard of “we made this lighter.”

Outcome: Realistic progress that compounds instead of another system you’ll forget to maintain.

How to Start the Conversation (When One Partner’s Hesitant)

1. Lead with appreciation, not accusation.

“You’ve been juggling a lot lately and so have I. I think we could make both our lives easier if we map out what’s actually on our plates and what we should prioritize.”

2. Frame it as a team upgrade, not a blame game.

“This isn’t about who does more it’s about both of us seeing what’s happening so we can make it smoother.”

3. Start small.
Don’t dump the whole list at once. Do one category (like “Home”) over coffee. The goal is visibility, not perfection.

4. If they’re reluctant:

Appeal to logic: “This helps us make fewer last minute scrambles.”
Appeal to empathy: “When the mental load’s uneven, it’s easy for resentment to build. I’d rather fix it early.”
Appeal to efficiency: “If we automate a few things, we’ll have more energy for the stuff that actually matters.”

If all else fails: start your own list and share a screenshot. Seeing the volume of “invisible tasks” is often the wake-up call.

Example Script

“Hey, can we try something quick this weekend? I realized I’m tracking a ton of random stuff in my head, and I don’t even think you know half of it. It’s not about blame I just want us to both see the full picture so we can make it easier for both of us. We can even automate or drop a few things.”

What about you?

If this resonated, there are a few different ways you could try this.

Do it the full way Dylan describes.
Sit down together, map out what’s on both of your plates, and talk through how to share the load.
Do a quiet, solo version (like I did).
Write down what your partner is likely tracking, look for a few things you can fully own, and just start doing them without making a big announcement.
Or do a scaled-back version this week.
Write down 5 things your partner regularly tracks that you don’t. Pick 1 you can automate or set a reminder for so it no longer lives in their head.

I also recommending subscribing to PowerPair. It's a weekly newsletter for dual-income couples juggling kids, careers, and connection without dropping the ball.

Subscribe to the PowerPair newsletter

Recommendation of the week

Father-Daughter Conversations

My buddy Jason Pockrandt wrote this book, Father-Daughter Conversations. It's a collection of stories, insights, and reflections from fellow girl dads.

Stories of dads who've navigated fatherhood in the absence of having their own fathers in their lives. Stories of divorced dads who want to still be as present in their kids lives as possible. Stories of remarried dads who are learning to parent their new 'bonus' daughters. And stories of dads trying to be the model of the kind of man they hope their daughters marry in the future.

Pick it up if you're a girl dad.

Would love to hear if this invisible load idea resonated or what you might try.

Reply to this email and let me know. I read and respond to every reply.

Thom Gibson

Founder of WFH Dads

PS:

Interested in 1:1 coaching? I work with ambitious WFH dads like yourself want to protect both deep work and family time.

If that sounds like something you’d want to hear more about, join the waitlist and I’ll keep you posted when a spot opens up.

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What I changed to help out more at home

What I changed to help out more at home