Helping dads be more productive in their work and present in their families. Newsletter every two weeks on work/life balance, time management, fitness, fatherhood, marriage, and home office setups.
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Communication 101 - you need to have this talk with your partner
Published about 1 month ago • 4 min read
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👋 Hey Reader!
Here’s what I’ve got for you in today’s issue of WFH Dads:
The talk you need to have with your partner every week ​
What I’m reading - research on the impact of WFH on families ​
Recent WFH Dads newsletters to catch up on
The talk you need to have with your partner every week
My lovely wife Sara & I on our wedding day - July 2011
Some of the biggest moments of frustration in my marriage have been from unmet expectations.
You both have a plan for the week.
Sometimes YOUR plan is in conflict with THEIR plan.
And in those situations, it comes down to who is going to give in?
Who is going to get what they want?
Maybe there’s a compromise.
But often one person has to secede to the other.
And the more that happens, the more resentment beings to brew.
Many of these conflicts can easily be avoided by having one conversation every week.
A conversation that sets expectations for everyone.
A conversation where you create a weekly plan together.
The weekly plan
Most weeks, my wife and I sit down with our calendars and discuss our week.
When you start the week on the same page, you avoid running into unmet expectations.
Unmet expectations are what often lead to conflict and resentment.
What we discuss
Kids school drop off / pick up
We have a normal cadence of who does school drop off and pick up each day of the week.
If there’s anything out of the ordinary, we discuss it.
My company had a big launch a couple weeks ago and I had to be online in the morning during the time I normally drop the kids off at school.
If I were to wait last minute to let my wife know about it, it would have put her in a difficult spot, scrambling to get time off that morning to take the kids to school.
Talking about it ahead of time prevented a conflict.
Exercise
I tell my wife which days I would like to go to jiu jitsu and she lets me know which days she wants to go to yoga.
The other week, she wanted to go on a Saturday morning which was out of the ordinary.
So I planned to take the kids for a long run and spend time at the park in the morning.
If she were to wait last minute, I would not have been able to have a game plan of what to do with the kids and would have expected us to do something together as a family.
Talking about it ahead of time prevented a conflict.
Appointments
Who has an appointment this week?
If the kids do, who is taking them?
Do either of us have to take time off work in order to do so?
What is PTO or sick time off looking like for both of us?
Waiting until the morning of an appointment to ask these questions is a recipe for conflict.
Figuring these things out at the start of the week (or sooner), helps everyone have appropriate expectations.
How we document it
I keep track of a lot of key dates on my Google Calendar, but my wife likes to write up a physical monthly and weekly calendar that goes on the fridge.
This keeps everything we talked about clearly visible.
It keeps expectations set.
Do it in whatever format or medium works for you, just make sure it’s updated regularly and easily available to both of you.
Our monthly & weekly planner that my wife likes to fill out. I'm a Google Calendar guy myself.
Be flexible
There needs to be room for flexibility here.
Sometimes my wife ends up getting caught up at work with a patient and texts me last minute that she won’t be able to get the kids from school.
That’s outside of her control and so I need to get the kids.
Since I WFH, I can be shift around my schedule and maybe work some in the evening to make up for it.
Our plans won’t be perfect, but setting up some expectations earlier while allowing room for flexibility can help prevent a lot of frustration and arguments.
This is a study that surveyed 1,000 remote professionals and looked at the impact of working from home on their productivity and family environments.
Interestingly, only 12.7% of employees are full-time remote, while 98% WANT to work remote.
A few interesting insights from this article:
The study found that remote work is helping fathers develop closer connections to their kid. 79% of male respondents said taking care of their family is a crucial benefit of this work modality. ​
WFH dads are more likely to be able to share household responsibilities equally with their partners. ​
Remote work allows fathers to be more present for important family moments.
My takeaway?
I should try and do a few more chores around the house during the day. Could make for a good brain break.
How has WFH changed your relationship with your kids or partner? Reply and let me know.
Catch up on recent issues:
Miss a few of the recent issues of the WFH Dads newsletter?
Helping dads be more productive in their work and present in their families. Newsletter every two weeks on work/life balance, time management, fitness, fatherhood, marriage, and home office setups.
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