Some of the biggest moments of frustration in my marriage have been from unmet expectations.

You both have a plan for the week. Sometimes YOUR plan is in conflict with THEIR plan. And in those situations, it comes down to who is going to give in?

Who is going to get what they want?

Maybe there’s a compromise but often one person has to secede to the other. And the more that happens, the more resentment beings to brew.

Many of these conflicts can easily be avoided by having one conversation every week that sets expectations for everyone.

A conversation where you create a weekly plan together.

The weekly plan

Most weeks, my wife and I sit down with our calendars and discuss our week.

Starting the week on the same page helps avoid running into unmet expectations (which are what often lead to conflict and resentment).

Here's what we discuss:

Kids school drop off / pick up

We have a normal cadence of who does school drop off and pick up each day of the week.

If there’s anything out of the ordinary, we talk about it.

One time, my company had a big launch and I had to be online in the early morning during the time I normally drop the kids off at school.

If I were to wait last minute to let my wife know about it, it would have put her in a difficult spot, scrambling to get time off that morning to take the kids to school.

Talking about it ahead of time prevented a conflict.

Exercise

I tell my wife which days I would like to go to jiu jitsu and she tells me which days she wants to go to yoga.

The other week, she wanted to go on a Saturday morning which was out of the ordinary. So I planned to take the kids for a long run and spend time at the park in the morning.

If she were to wait last minute, I would not have been able to have a game plan of what to do with the kids and would have expected us to do something together as a family.

Appointments

Who has an appointment this week?
If the kids do, who is taking them?
Do either of us have to take time off work in order to do so?
What is PTO or sick time off looking like for both of us?

Waiting until the morning of an appointment to ask these questions is a recipe for an argument.

How we document it

I keep track of a lot of key dates on my Google Calendar, but my wife likes to write up a physical monthly and weekly calendar that goes on the fridge.

This keeps everything we talked about clearly visible.

Do it in whatever format or medium works for you, just make sure it’s updated regularly and easily available to both of you.

Be flexible

There needs to be room for flexibility here.

Sometimes my wife ends up getting caught up at work with a patient and texts me last minute that she won’t be able to get the kids from school.

That’s outside of her control and so I need to get the kids.

Since I WFH, I can be shift around my schedule and maybe work some in the evening to make up for it.

Our plans won’t be perfect, but setting up some expectations earlier (while allowing room for flexibility) can help prevent a lot of frustration and arguments.

Watch the video

For a bit of a deeper dive on this, go check out this video:

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Recommendation of the week

​My conversation on the Focused podcast​

In this podcast episode, I chatted with Mike Schmitz and David Sparks quite a bit about this weekly sync my wife and I have. We also get into how my journaling practice has changed and other challenges that come with working from home as a dad. Go listen!

What about you?

What's the communication look like with you and your partner? Or do you struggle to have these conversations?

Email me at thom@wfhdads.com and let me know. I read and respond to them all.

Thanks for being a part of this community!

Thom Gibson Founder of WFH Dads ​​​

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600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2246
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